This introductory guide for beginners provides an introduction to the decipherment of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphic writing and arithmetic, with a little light hearted humour. All the hieroglyphs portrayed within this book (over 780) are provided free of charge as keyboard characters. They allow the reader to create their own messages, names, numbers and designs which can be easily printed. These hieroglyphs are compatible with all software packages that run on both Windows based and Macintosh computers. This step-by-step guide introduces the reader to the peculiar style of arithmetic and units of measure employed by the ancient Egyptians, from counting loaves and recording the strength of beer to the volume of stone in a pyramid and the recording time.